The rings are built like an Armillary (ahr-mil-uh-ree) sphere with intersecting rings, spinning and twisting in numerous directions around its core, guiding me in both false and true paths, which is sometimes leaving me astray, and then back onto what I see as my path at different points in time in my life. Each of the rings is different in varying degrees of color which reflect what I am, and what I see in the world. In its center has within it a point of clarity and focus that when touched can both raise me and tear at me at certain levels of epoch that has not only been used to create what I am, but also to destroy what I see in myself and for others to take advantage of.
In those moments I have seen and felt pain that I cannot bear and yet continue to endure. This pain has become my natural state of being and one I both hate and love in a twisted way as to which I’m yet to understand or direct. This pain grows and envelopes me all at once and with an in unfathomable strength I don’t completely understand and sometimes I wonder if it is natural as I have no base-line to grade it off, let alone assess. I both accept and rejected it as there is no choice in the matter. For the life of me I am unable to let it go into the ether.
At present the pain and of course anger is my outer shell and is not my true self, or what I am truly about. I’ve seen it throughout my life that those people of low substance and unclear views which came into my sphere’s influence do not see or understand this. They only see what they perceive is my true self.
In the deepest part of my core is something that I choose to hide from those that after a time were seen as unworthy to see it, or experience it. This decision I’m not yet sure of if it was the best option for my path, but it is a path nevertheless. This core is all I have left from everything I have lost and all that now sustains me. Now it’s helping me reacquire my heart, my strength and my mirror image. This center is made of what last fragments I have of love – not just for myself but for someone I wish to share it with, and those closest to me. Although the reality of the world viciously gores at it like a dark cloud— covering it with the worse traits that there could be. I continue to hold it and also give everything I have to maintain its structure and purpose. If it was to fail, I would end the now nearly empty shell.
This core isn’t only holding me together but also contains me in all forms and tribulations of development in my circle. Music is one of many sources of power I tap into, songs from the NeverEnding Story, Glory of Love, Hold onto the Vision, My Immortal and Love Exist. This is my core and I will give everything I have to keep it and I will not let anyone have it. Now I have reached the point where that will never happen as I no longer care for those that treated me like trash and to whom whose hearts are made of nothing but spite and ignorance of the lowest order among all of the human traits that anyone could have. They are many, but I am one.